3 March 2010

Dear Ray,
It's been 3 years since you passed over.  In some ways it was yesterday.  In other ways, it was forever ago.

I miss you terribly, and I miss the life we had in Groveland.  It was our place, the place where we lived most of our shared life.  It  shaped so much of what we both became.  I think we both found ourselves there.  I never realized what a country girl I am until I moved back to a city.  I'm a better, more rounded person because of what I learned there, learned from you.  Thank you for making the decision that ultimately took us to Groveland.

This being alone, being independent, stuff doesn't really suit me.  I miss your gently nipping at my heels to get things done.  I miss sharing dinner -- even at Perko's --, visits to a quirky museum or gallery, to book shops and hardware stores.  Remember the extra-terrestrial museum in Sonora?  Hasn't been there for more than 30 years....  Those things are not the same without someone to share your impressions, and offer their own.  I miss street fairs and craft fairs -- remember the one in Gainesboro, Tennessee where the young teen was walking her calf through town like anyone else would walk a dog?  That was where we learned why they didn't have local post cards in at least 3 counties -- they got a divorce, he was the photographer, but she got the postcard making machine!  It's just not the same without you to see the humor and remind me to laugh.

How often did you tell me, "It's a joke, Bonnie P.  You can laugh." and we'd laugh together.

You will be pleased to know I've finally gone back to church.  I often feel your hand in mine at the Lord's Prayer, just as we all joined hands at Grace Mission.   I'm just beginning to realize how much Bishop Vic spoiled us, and how well trained we were as lay leaders under his leadership.  Remember the conference at ECCO where Dr. Sam Garrett taught 3 sessions of systematic theology focusing on covenants?  It makes me smile to recall how much you enjoyed those sessions.  Remember the Cursillo teams we worked and the many friends we made through Cursillo?   And how much stronger we became as individuals and as a couple because of Cursillo?

I approach Easter with no small measure of fear.  Much as I love the Easter hymns, I don't know that I can even hear them, much less sing them, without tears.  Yet.   It's soooooo embarrassing to fall apart in the middle of a church service.

You will also be pleased that I am still active in genealogy work with the Groveland Museum, and have also become active in Daughters of Hawaii.  The museum at the Queen Emma Summer Palace is both larger and older than our museum in Groveland, but has a similar range of wonderful people keeping it together.  As in Groveland, I can work behind the scenes to help put what we have into historical context that makes sense to our visitors.

So I am beginning to find my feet again.  Meds help.  Christie is coming in June, with her girls --  her own two, and an exchange student from Germany.  That will help.  A call from Kimo would be nice. You understand the importance of family.  Healing is still a long, slow process.  Just stick around and keep reminding me that this, too, I can do.  

I'll keep praying.